Songs of Farewell

Sometimes the transfer period can become a little over-intellectualised, so for those who want to know in simple terms the players leaving this summer Hipster Gooner's useful chant guide is a must.

Eduardo

"He went to them when Maroaune came Eddie! Eddie!
He scored twenty goals less than Darren Bent Eddie! Eddie!
He broke his leg and he won't be back,
but Darren Bent will still be cack!
Eduardo Silva! Shaktar Donetsk's number nine!!!

[In Ukrainian accent] lalalalalala etc."

William Gallas

"William Gallas isn't our mate! Isn't our mate! Isn't our mate! William Gallas isn't our mate! He hates Arsenal!"

Mikael Silvestre

*silence*

There are some songs that are just unbearable to consider:

Cesc Fabregas

"Oh Cesc Fab-re-gas, you were the love of my life!
Oh Cesc Fab-re-gas, I let you shag my wife!
Oh Cesc Fab-re-gas, you're Barcelona through and through!"

They've got Cesc Fabregas,
They've got Cesc Fabregas,
They've got Cesc Fabregas,
They've got Cesc Fabregas..."

Transfer Lies and Slander - 6/30/10

Arsenal might just win at knifey-spoony after all! Pic via Daily Telegraph.

IN: 

Laurent Koscielny – The Sun says the deal is done for the Lorient center back at £8.5 million. The Daily Mail says it's £10 million. The Daily Telegraph has the former number. The deal should probably be done by the end of the week. Let's get the Gooner chant machine going!

Mark Schwarzer – That Telegraph article above lists Schwarzer as Arsenal's next number one target signing once the Koscielny contract is inked.

Joe Cole – It's between Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur to sign the former Chelsea midfielder. With England out of the World Cup, this deal should be complete within the next two weeks.

Loic Remy – This story has been around before (where I made a good number of Nice puns), but the Nice striker still would like to be a Gunner. Nice's asking price remains too high.

Mario Balotelli – The Inter Milan 19-year-old striker's stay at the San Siro is uncertain and he admits that Arsenal is "a great team."

Madjid Bougherra – The Algerian defender from Rangers in the SPL has spent time in England at Crewe Alexandra, Sheffield Wednesday, and Charlton Athletic, but only his brief stay in South-East London was top flight. With a Koscielny deal essentially done, I can only see this move happening if Sol Campbell departs.

OUT:

Henri Lansbury (LOAN) – Newcastle United is keen on the 19-year-old midfielder, who spent last year in the Championship on loan at Watford, and appeared for the Gunners in the final match of the year against Fulham.

William Gallas – Essentially out the door already, the conversation on his free agent singing appears to now be between Panathinaikos and PSG.

Sol Campbell – Arsenal's policy on contracts with 30+ players might have cost them Sol Campbell, as the big center back is looking for more than a one year deal. It looks like Celtic are willing to offer one.

Eduardo – The Brazilian-born Croatian has struggled with form since his catastrophic leg injury, and after the signing of Chamakh, it appears he may be surplus to necessity at the Emirates. Aston Villa is interested in him to replace the possibly departing John Carew.

Jay Simpson – The 21-year-old reserve forward has spent the last three years away from Arsenal on loan at Millwall, West Brom, and QPR, but as he desires consistent first-team football, he might have to depart the Gunners. A bevy of teams are interested.

International Gunner Watch - 5/25/10

Mexico's Carlos Vela had as many shots in one half at Wembley yesterday as he had all year for Arsenal. Pic via CBC.

Yesterday: England 3 - 1 Mexico

• Theo Walcott frustrated England fans as he has frustrated Arsenal fans yesterday at Wembley as he often put himself in wonderful position with beautiful strides down the flank, only to have a poor final touch at the end. Of course, some crosses were better than others, and his work freed up a ball for Liverpool's Glen Johnson, who then had the great individual effort to score England's third and final goal.
• Carlos Vela started for Mexico and had two shots on goal in the first half (equal to the number of shots on goal he had for Arsenal this year) which were both stopped by keeper Robert Green of West Ham United. He probably should have buried the first.

Today: Georgia 0 - 0 Cameroon

• Alex Song played the first half for the Indomitable Lions as they were held scoreless by 119th ranked team in the world, Georgia, in today's friendly match in Austria.

Non-Appearances

• Eduardo has not played for Croatia's national team in a friendly this summer. Croatia beat Wales 2-0 on Sunday.
• As far as I can tell, Thomas Vermaelen has not featured for Belgium either; even though Belgium is not going to the World Cup, Vermaelen will spend his summer in Africa anyway.
• Tomas Rosicky was left behind in Europe, still nursing an ankle injury he suffered after the Manchester City match in April, for the Czech Republic's trip to the United States. The Czechs lost to Turkey 2-1 on Saturday and will play the United States tonight. 

France!

• William Gallas has been declared fit to feature for France, escaping injury in a buggy crash during a team-bonding exercise.
• Gallas, Gael Clichy, Bacary Sagna, and Abou Diaby have all been confirmed as part of France's 23-man World Cup squad.

News Roundup 5/25/10 - The Nigerian Bank Scam Edition

• Nigerian billionaire Aliko Dangote has denied the rumors that he was in line to purchase Lady Bracewell-Smith's 15.9% stake in the club. After we gave him our bank account numbers and secret PIN codes and everything! [Times, Daily Telegraph, Sky Sports]
• Eduardo's goal at Portsmouth in December and Denilson's goal against Everton in January have both now been reclassified as own goals by the opposition, making both Gunners now appear even more statistically useless on the score sheet. [Arsenal.com]
• Werder Bremen center back Per Mertesacker (whose name I first heard as "Murder Soccer" eight years ago) would be willing to move to North London, though absolutely nothing in these articles implies that this deal is even more than speculative. His quote doesn't even mention Arsenal. Bit of a stretch here? [Daily Mirror, Daily Mail]
• You know what Barca: If you think the asking price for Fabregas is a little too high, you don't even want to know what we'll charge you for Eboue. I'll give you a hint: the deed to the Camp Nou stadium would only be a small percentage of it. [Guardian, Daily Mail]
• An Arsenal midfielder that first trained in Barcelona's youth system has officially transferred back to a Spanish team. Oh, it's Merida. [Daily Mail]
• News from the Cesc Fabregas saga and World Cup news in "International Gunner Watch" are both posts on the docket for later today. Stay tuned.

Blackburn Rovers 2 - 1 Arsenal: Effort? What's That?

 Sadly, this picture could have come from any number of games. Pic via Guardian.

Blackburn Rovers 2: Dunn 43, Samba 68
Arsenal 1: van Persie 13

Hey, Arsenal. I just wanted to remind you, as it appears that you've forgotten, that you have not yet clinched a third place finish. You are five points ahead of Spurs, while they can still pick up six.

Arsenal continues to coast to the end of another disappointing season by giving us Gooners another bitter pill to swallow, and another listless defeat on the road.

From the start, things looked strange in the line-up. With so many injuries on this team, you don't expect to see four players you thought were healthy to drop out of the squad completely. We'll have to see what Arsene Wenger has to say about the health of Gael Clichy, Alex Song (recurring knee problem?), Tomas Rosicky, and Nicklas Bendtner. As Bendtner did not start last week against City, that meant three changes in the starting XI. Armand Traore slipped in for Clichy at left back, Emmanuel Eboue and Carlos Vela started behind van Persie playing up front. Johan Djourou and Kieran Gibbs made surprising returns to the bench, but did not feature. Andrei Arshavin returned from his calf injury as well.

Arsenal had a chance to strike very early, just at the start of the third minute, when a Theo Walcott cross found Blackburn keeper Paul Robinson out of position as the ball fell to the feet of Carlos Vela, whose obviously rusted foot slotted the ball wide of the far post. Blackburn nearly responded on a free kick, but Lukasz Fabianski made a quick, diving save.

Arsenal struck first in the 13th minute, off their second corner in quick succession. Samir Nasri took the kick from the near side, fairly short through the air, but to the head of a cutting Bacary Sagna, who flicked the ball into the box, to the waiting head of Robin van Persie, slightly unmarked in the six yard box, who pounded the ball just under the bar and into the net, for his first goal in six months.

Blackburn started to mount the kind of attack you'd expect from Sam "Walrus" Allardyce, a man who claims to know how to "outwit" Arsene Wenger. Normally, he fails, but when your keeper is as shaky as Fabianski, the requisite holes to beat the Gunners are there. Long balls into the box, classic English-style football, and crowding the keeper on set pieces will beat Fabianski.

Lukasz Fabianski in this match was fantastic on stopping shots in open play and making saves on standard free kicks. He was also completely and utterly clueless on defending corner kicks, and this was Arsenal's undoing today.

On Blackburn's first two forays into the box with this style, Fabianski was bailed out of errors by referee Martin Atkinson. On two fumbles, Atkinson blew his whistle for fouls on Blackburn players that weren't exactly there. On the third Fabianski tumble, following a Blackburn corner, the whistle never came, Arsenal failed to clear, and David Dunn had a simple equalizer. 1-1 at the half.

Arsenal showed practically no fight in the second half, knowing a draw would essentially lock up third place (Spurs could only pass an Arsenal team with 73 points on goal difference, a statistic in which the Gunners had a 12 goal advantage at the start of second half play.) Blackburn kept pounding the attack and struck in the 68th minute to take the lead on another corner, as Chris Samba put a header past him, shortly after Mikael Silvestre accidentally tapped the ball wide of the goal (and thankfully not into it.)

Down 2-1, Arsenal attempted to mount a little more of a comeback, but the problem with this Arsenal team, so banged up by injuries, is that they play like a team of locksmiths, trying to carefully pick the lock and set up their pretty goals, without the proper tools. As a result, Arsenal always seems to come close to getting in the door, only to have things go frustratingly wrong at the very end. Andrei Arshavin slammed a shot right into the waiting arms of Robinson. Eduardo did nothing. Van Persie could not find time and space to make anything happen. Walcott's crosses were increasingly blocked by the defense. The equalizer never materialized for the Gunners, and it was never really close either.

So, one game left to play. Champions League play is assured, but avoiding the qualifying playoff and gaining automatic qualification to the group stage is not. Tottenham can still catch Arsenal for third. City can as well, but only on goal difference. Spurs and City play each other at Eastlands on Wednesday; a draw will seal third for the Gunners. Otherwise, it comes down to the final Sunday of the year, against Fulham at the Grove. Thankfully for Arsenal, Fulham has little to play for in the league, and a Europa League final in Germany three days later. Maybe the luck of the fixture list has finally turned Arsenal's way enough to get our beloved Gunnres safely into third place.

Arsenal 1 - 0 Wolves: Tantric Football

Arsenal matches are becoming an exercise in delayed gratification. Pic via BBC.

Arsenal 1: Bendtner 90+4
Wolves 0

If you enjoy the pleasure of experiencing the subtle beauties of each and every part of the process while realizing that just scoring in the end is not the ultimate goal, then this match was ecstasy for you. For 93 minutes and 55 seconds, Arsenal kept us waiting. It was pretty at times, the passing was there, the pace was there, and the chances were there, but the big ending was always just out of reach. And then, just when you thought there would be no happy ending, as the seconds ticked away, our heroes scored. And we all jumped up and down in sheer delight. Credit to Gloria for the metaphor, by the way; I'm not that clever.

We knew coming into this match that the side would be depleted. Arsene Wenger fielded a side that saw seven changes from the team that started against Barcelona on Wednesday. Cesc Fabregas (leg), Andrei Arshavin (calf), and William Gallas (calf) sadly won't be starting any time soon. But in addition to those three known absences, Gael Clichy, Abou Diaby, Nicklas Bendtner, and Samir Nasri were all placed on the bench in the name of rest. As such, Sol Campbell, Mikael Silvestre, Tomas Rosicky, Denilson, Emmanuel Eboue, Theo Walcott, and Eduardo started along with the unchanged Manuel Almunia, Bacary Sagna, Thomas Vermaelen, and Alex Song.

Arsenal's plan seemed obvious the entire time as well, and it was merely a question of whether Wolves could contain it for 90 minutes. Tomas Rosicky filled in the playmaker role in place of the injured Fabregas and rested Nasri and the goal was to get the ball to Walcott, have him speed past the defense, cross the ball into the box, and hope for a goal. Best case scenario, Arsenal gets on the board early, scores another one a bit later, and coasts to three points without having to use their substitutes who were resting on the bench. Ah, but as you know by now, Arsenal never gets three points the easy way.

Six minutes in, Eduardo takes a great shot that brings about an even better reflex save from Wolves' Seattle-born goalkeeper Marcus Hahnemann. Eduardo has an absolute sitter a few minutes later but instead of taking a shot at an open net on the first touch, he traps it first, thereby working his body into an awkward, off-balance position, then knocking a very lame attempt at goal well wide. Then a minute later even Sagna gave it a chance, but his shot was right at Hahnemann. The entire first half felt like a Carling Cup tie to me; a string of non-regulars in the side struggling to find the net.

As the second half played out, concern was setting in. Chances were there and a goal was vital to keep the season and the title hopes mathematically plausible. But would it come? By 64 minutes, the resting Nicklas Bendtner was called upon to take the field, replacing the barely noticable Eboue.

Two minutes later, the match turned on its head as Wolves captain Karl Henry was sent off with a straight red card for a bad challenge from behind on Tomas Rosicky. On replay, it looked worse than it was, and there is now a ton of controversy around Andre Marriner's decision to send Henry off. Opponents are complaining that Arsenal are working the officials over to be more protected in the wake of Aaron Ramsey's horrific leg break (and Kieran Gibbs's foot break... and Eduardo's leg break... and Abou Diaby's leg break... it just goes on...) It was certainly a bookable offense from Henry; it should not have been red. Wolves then had to hold onto their nil-nil draw for the final 25 minutes plus stoppage time on ten men.

Samir Nasri and Carlos Vela (remember him?) made appearances as the remaining Arsenal subs as the Gunners streamed forward looking for the all-important goal. It just never seemed to be coming. Rosicky missed a brilliant chances seconds after returning to the pitch. Bendtner's header was saved under the bar. Rosicky missed another chance, then saved a potential Wolves goal on the line after a corner kick.

As the clock struck 90 minutes, a Vermaelen kick went completely off course and into touch for a Wolves throw-in; it looked symbolic of the afternoon, a signal that a death knell for Arsenal's title hopes would be heard soon. Walcott missed a lovely chance with three minutes of five added already gone. It looked all over.

Then a Nasri pass found Rosicky, to Walcott, back to Sagna with one minute to play. Sagna crossed into the box as Nicklas Bendtner won positioning in front of Wolves defender Ronald Zubar. Bendtner's header curled to the left of Hahnemann, who had no chance. With seconds to play, Arsenal had scored to take a 1-0 lead, and every Arsenal pub in the world, just like the Emirates, went nuts. The big ending had finally happened.

Both teams ended up trading chances in the remaining minute afterward, but that was it. Arsenal is still three points off the pace with five games to play. Can they win all five and get the help they need to take the title? Who knows? What I do know is that it's probably going to follow much of the same pattern of beauty and frustration.

Arsenal 3 - 1 Burnley: A Little Bendt Out of Shape

 

 Not even close, Nicklas. Pic via Guardian.

Arsenal 3: Fabregas 34, Walcott 60, Arshavin 90+4

Burnley 1: Nugent 50

They sure do like to keep it interesting, don't they?

There was some interesting talk in the ladies room of Nevada Smiths after the match, says friend of the blog Gloria. I don't remember the story as it was relayed to me exactly so I won't quote it here. Basically, the gist was it involved Nicklas Bendtner and his inability to score.

Not hard to find things to gripe about in this one, but three points are three points, so I won't harp on them. We've said it before, in our Top 100 lists, that there must at least be one hundred goals that would have been scored if Robin van Persie were healthy. Bendtner missed at least five brilliant goal scoring opportunities yesterday. Eduardo missed another. Andrei Arshavin missed two (I blamed his rustiness coming back from his hamstring injury) before scoring. That's eight golden opportunities that went by the wayside. This could've been 11-1.

There was plenty of restlessness at the Emirates yesterday, especially after Burnley equalized. Arsenal took a first half lead on a really first class goal from Cesc Fabregas, putting the ball through Brian Jensen's legs after a brilliant lofted pass from Samir Nasri. But then, a few minutes later, Fabregas was pulled for Abou Diaby, after re-aggrivating the hamstring injury he first hurt in December. EVERYBODY PANIC!!! He's highly doubtful for Tuesday's Champions League tie against Porto. Thankfully, Alex Song's suspension is only for domestic play.

Burnley's equalizer came in two steps: on a long ball lofted to the center circle, Bendtner made no effort to challenge for possession, and the Clarets lofted the ball deep in the other direction. Then, the central defense, which I never trust with Mikael Silvestre on, tries to trap David Nugent, on loan from Portsmouth, but fails. Nugent is clear and chips the ball over a helpless Manuel Almunia.

From that point on, Theo Walcott took over. Yes, that's right. Theo Walcott played with tremendous skill, poise, and pace in the second half. Once Burnley brought themselves level, Walcott realized it was time to stop crossing it to Bendtner and time to finish one himself, which he did with a striking left footed shot to the far post, ten minutes after Nugent's equalizer. It was Walcott's first goal five months.

But the lead never felt comfortable until Arshavin buried the game with seconds to play. The Gunners inability to finish off golden scoring opportunities was a little worrying. But as it stands, though Chelsea has a game in hand, the table reads 63-61-61. Hard to complain when you've won four straight in league play. But we were this close to starting a Robin van Persie chant after each of Bendtner's misses.

News Roundup 2/25/10 - The Destiny Edition

 

Motivation via Despair.com.

• "There is destiny and I am sure this is Arsenal's one and I am sure we will celebrate at the end," says Bacary Sagna. "As long as we are in it, we will fight until the end," says Mikael Silvestre. Yeah, Silvestre. JUST GIVE US THE TROPHY NOW! [Sky Sports on Sagna, Sky Sports on Silvestre]
• Eduardo hopes to return to the squad at the weekend and is also prepared to put his injury hell behind him. The Daily Mirror article refers to his "two-week layoff." Saturday's match at Stoke will actually mark exactly one month since he hurt his hamstring at Villa Park. I know numbers are hard, Mirror. [Daily Mirror]
• Transfer/Always-Listen-to-Dennis-Bergkamp News: Arsenal is now tracking Ajax midfielder Christian Eriksen, thanks to a tip to Arsene Wenger from Bergkamp. Arsenal have also given a trial to 17-year-old Ingolfur Sigurdsson from Iceland. [Guardian via Daily Mirror]
• In-Maybe-We-Should-Talk-About-Taking-Things-From-Barcelona News: No, Yaya Toure is not coming. [Daily Mail]
• Get your best Scientology chants ready: Thomas Cruise has signed a contract extension. [Arsenal.com]
• Stoke City v. Arsenal preview to be posted later this afternoon.

News Roundup 2/18/10 - The Revolving Infirmary Door Edition

I thought you could all use some cheering up. Pic via Daily Mirror.

• We will have another post later on Martin Hansson and the Porto winner from yesterday. This post is about all of the other news surrounding Arsenal...
• For example, did you know that Abou Diaby got hurt last night? And he, like Alex Song, hurt his medial knee ligaments? Diaby is zero percent to feature against Sunderland on Saturday, but Alex Song is 80/20 to play; Manuel Almunia is 50/50. William Gallas, Andrei Arshavin, and Eduardo are all still out. Gallas and Arshavin will also miss the trip to Stoke on the 27th. [Arsenal.com]
• 18-year-old Islington born goalkeeper James Shea has signed a new contract. The site says he's "known for his superb shot-stopping ability." He's a fucking goalkeeper, I should hope so. [Arsenal.com]
• The Mirror says we're losing Gilles Sunu to Bordeaux. [Daily Mirror]
• Again, more on yesterday coming later.

News Roundup 2/13/10 - The Injuries Never Stop Edition

The Diminutive Russian's classic facial expressions will not be on display in Portugal. Pic via Daily Mirror.

• Last night, I drunkenly injured my knee exiting a subway turnstile because I was preoccupied with worry that Chelsea might win the Double.
  
• Andrei Arshavin has confirmed that he will not play in Arsenal's Champions League knockout round tie at F.C. Porto on Wednesday, after picking up a hamstring injury against Liverpool. Alex Song is also a "major doubt" with a medial ligament knee injury. Eduardo and Samir Nasri should both return to fitness. [Daily Mirror, ESPN Soccernet]
• With no room for error, Arsene Wenger knows Porto will not be a pushover. [Sky Sports]
• Mikael Silvestre is pulling a Philippe Senderos and is upset he was not selected to the squad Wednesday against Liverpool. He now wants to quit Arsenal. [Daily Mirror]
• Bordeaux confirms that striker Marouane Chamakh will join Arsenal this summer. Meanwhile, they've apparently "gone cool" on defender Stefan Savic. [Daily Mirror]
  

News Roundup 1/28/10 - The Three-Dimensional Edition

Wow, Wayne Rooney's dives are so much more life-like in 3D! Pic via Guardian.

• Sky has announced that Sunday's Arsenal-Manchester United clash at the Emirates will be their first experiment in publicly broadcasting live sports in 3D. I intend to be drunk enough to think the 2D screen at Nevada Smiths is in 3D. [Guardian]
• Tom Vermaelen did NOT break his fibula yesterday at Villa Park, but the extent of the injury is still not clear. He will still likely miss Sunday. [Arsenal.com]
• That would mean that the currently unstoppable Wayne Rooney would be marked by Sol Campbell. I'd like to just see Campbell flatten him. [ESPN Soccernet]
• Other injury notes: Arsenal will also likely be without Eduardo and Diaby on Sunday. Which means Diaby can't score for Manchester United this time around. [Arsenal.com]
• CORRECTION: Eboue and Song are both "available" for Sunday. [Guardian]
  
• Jack Wilshere is close to a move to Bolton Wanderers. I guess last week's little row with Owen Coyle and William Gallas's challenge didn't sour the deal. [Sky Sports]
• Manchester United's Rio Ferdinand's appeal of his three-match ban for violent conduct was deemed "frivolous" and is now a four-match ban. He will not play Sunday at the Emirates. [Guardian]
  

Aston Villa 0 - 0 Arsenal: I Didn't Drink Enough for This

Aston Villa 0
Arsenal 0

Well, that didn't go well.

I have to admit, it was not easy for me to keep tabs on this match. It wasn't going to be televised until 5:00, and since I have to know what's going on live, I decided to follow it from home, could not find a stream that worked for more than five minutes, and spent the last ten minutes of the match refreshing a search for "Arsenal" on Twitter to know what was happening.

Here's what I do know:

• Eduardo hurt his hamstring (I did see that happen) and will not be out for a long time, but will miss Sunday against Manchester United.
• Tom Vermaelen, on the other hand, looks to be more seriously injured. It's his fibula and it's either a nerve problem or it's broken.
• It's a good thing Arsenal might get Chris Smalling from Fulham.... oh... wait.... they failed and he's going to Manchester United next year.
  
• FUCK!
• I did see both Arsenal shots that hit the woodwork. I especially noticed Aaron Ramsey and Tomas Rosicky collide instead of shooting for the open net after Fabregas's post in first half stoppage time.
• Gael Clichy was completely outplayed by Ashley Young for 90 minutes.
  
• Chelsea won 3-0 thanks to that deal with Satan they must've made. Arsenal is now third in the table.
• Arsene Wenger spoke of Aston Villa's "long-ball" game, which caused Martin O'Neill to go apeshit insane.
  
• Also, I hear Wenger said O'Neill looks like a dork.