Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/30/2010

See the disappointment in the whites of his eyes!

From: http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/823806-arsenal-to-make-transfers-before-world-cup-says-arsene-wenger

Preview: Blackburn Rovers v. Arsenal

Arsenal beat Blackburn 6-2 at the Emirates in October. Thierry Henry was in attendance. Isn't that to whom Cesc was pointing here? Any help, people? Pic via Guardian.

Ewood Park, Blackburn

Monday, May 3

17:00 BST, 12:00 p.m. EDT

• Referee: Martin Atkinson
• This Match, Last Year: Blackburn 0 - 4 Arsenal
• All-Time in All Competitions: 56 Arsenal wins, 28 Blackburn wins, 30 draws
• Arsenal's Recent Form: W-D-W-L-L-D
• Blackburn's Recent Form: W-W-D-D-L-D

Predicted Line-Up

Fabianski

Sagna - Campbell - Silvestre - Clichy

Song - Diaby

Rosicky - Nasri - Walcott

Van Persie 

Subs from: Mannone, Traore, Eboue, Eastmond, Vela, Eduardo, Bendtner

Doubtful: Arshavin (calf)

Out: Almunia (wrist), Denilson (groin), Vermaelen (calf), Fabregas (leg), Gallas (calf), Ramsey (leg), Gibbs (foot), Djourou (knee)

Arsenal News and Notes

• Andrei Arshavin has "a little chance" to feature in the line-up on Monday.
• Denilson and Almunia, however, have been added to the list of Gunners who will not be seen on the pitch again this year, with their respective injuries. That list now contains eight players.
• Of those eight, Kieran Gibbs and Johan Djourou are back in training, but will not see first team minutes this week or next against Fulham.
• Arsenal have now picked up five points out of a possible 15 in their last five league fixtures.
• Across all competitions, they have won only one of their last seven fixtures, the 1-0 win against Wolves. They have drawn three and lost three of those seven as well.

Blackburn News and Notes

• Sam Allardyce's squad have no long term injuries (I wonder what that feels like, I bet it's nice.)
• In fact, Blackburn might get all four of their short term absentees back on Monday: Chris Samba and Brett Emerton should be fit, returning from groin and hamstring problems respectively. El-Hadji Diouf and Vince Grella should return to the line-up after illnesses kept them out of last week's draw with Wolves.
• Blackburn have not won in their last four Premier League fixtures, but that period of time includes a draw with Manchester United.
• Blackburn have only lost at home to Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur this season.

Match Facts

• Arsenal defeated Blackburn 6-2 in North London in early October. A wild start went back and forth through the first half hour as Blackburn squandered two leads. Arsenal led 3-2 at intermission and pulled away after the restart. Six different Gunners scored.
• Arsenal's last trip to Ewood Park saw them win 4-0, thanks to an 8th minute goal from Robin van Persie, followed by a hat trick from Emmanuel Adebayor.
• Arsenal's last loss in Blackburn was a 1-0 loss in an FA Cup replay in 2007. Their last league loss at Ewood Park was also a 1-0 loss in February of 2006.
• The referee is Martin Atkinson, who has worked Arsenal's 1-0 win at Fulham, FA Cup loss at Stoke, and 2-0 win over West Ham. That also means he's the only official to show Arsenal a red card this season, to Thomas Vermaelen, for his last man foul against the Hammers. For Blackburn, he has worked their 0-0 draw with Liverpool and their ridiculous 6-4 second leg Carling Cup loss at Villa Park.

Around the League

• Saturday: Birmingham City v. Burnley; St. Andrew's, Birmingham
• Saturday: Stoke City v. Everton; Britannia Stadium, Stoke-on-Trent
• Saturday: Manchester City v. Aston Villa; City of Manchester Stadium, Manchester
• Saturday: Tottenham Hotspur v. Bolton Wanderers; White Hart Lane, London
• Saturday: Portsmouth v. Wolverhampton Wanderers; Fratton Park, Portsmouth
• Sunday: Liverpool v. Chelsea; Anfield, Liverpool
• Sunday: Sunderland v. Manchester United; Stadium of Light, Sunderland
• Sunday: Fulham v. West Ham United; Craven Cottage, London
• Monday: Wigan Athletic v. Hull City; DW Stadium, Wigan

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/29/2010

From: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/apr/29/arsene-wenger-arsenal-transfer-signings

Chants For the 21st Century

Ever since I saw his name, Mr. Theo Walcott has held a special place in my heart. For those who don't know, the eldest of Hipster Gooners, yours truly, was never really a sports guy. For me, the introduction to the Gooners came in a number of different ways: an epic late night where I didn't sleep and saw Arsenal trounce Everton in a drunken/sleepy haze, the chants flying around Nevada Smiths that were music to my notice ears and, of course that moment in mid-October when I first saw the name Theo Walcott. Now, may semantic love affair with Mr. Walcott's surname comes from my admittedly hipster background. Educated at private school and Columbia University, the Ivy League and those Prep Rockers Vampire Weekend were no strangers to me. In fact, I took many classes with Ezra, Rostam and Chris.

So, with my own music major background bristling, I got hooked on trying to find a way to link the two together. What were the two you ask? Well, I answer, Theo Walcott and the song Walcott by those fine Columbia fellows.

The lyrics I bandied about never quite came out right... Things like:

"Walcott/Don't you know that you're Insane/Please just score. Please just score tonight!"

And don't get me started with my attempts at other hipster chants. Passion Pit's Sleepyhead never quite went right when I tried to turn it into Clichyhead and MGMT's Electric Feel is not the best song to try to sing about Emirates stadium in my own rendition of Emirates Field. And so I was ready to give up on my chant making. I just didn't have the chops.

Then I realized, that in order to make a chant for Arsenal, you need to find those musicians who loved Arsenal. Maybe they are just imbued with appreciation for the team and that would work into every aspect of their songs. With the help of my friend Jacob, I scoured the web until we found him:

Now notice the colors of choice by Mr. Mercury. Despite the fact that his #1 team was Barcelona, when it came to the Brits, he was all about the Arsenal and he clearly favored the Red & White ensemble, if not the Red & White army. Various internet searches seemed to confirm my suspicions about the leading man. So, after this, Jacob and I spent some time devising and sculpting the perfect addictive chant for the 21st century based on this 20th century superstar. Here is the best we got, done to the tune of Bicycle, of course:

"Arsenal! Arsenal!

I like to watch the Arsenal! I like to watch my team!

I like to watch the Arsenal! A win would be my dream!"

We think, while still rough around the edges, it's pretty darn good... Now I just have to start refining my Walcott chant!

Meanwhile, if you have any chants you are itching to launch about our favorite team via Hipster Gooner, just let us know. We'll throw them out there!

News Roundup 4/27/10 - The Stealing All of Our Players Edition

I hope all of this news was just poorly translated. It's not nearly as funny as his Web site. Pic via Sky Sports.

• Andrei Arshavin would just love to play for Barcelona some day. Andrei, you know I think you're hilarious and all, but sometimes you should probably just stop talking. [Daily Mail, Guardian, Telegraph]
• Arsenal's bank debt on Highbury Square is expected to be paid off in weeks, with the club expected to make a £20 million profit from the sale of remaining properties. Get buying, Arsene. Goalkeeper first, please? [Daily Telegraph]
• Fiorentina is looking to sell some players who have been targeted by Arsenal and Manchester United, including goalkeeper Sebastien Frey and left back Juan Manuel Vargas. [Daily Mail]
• Speaking of left backs, Gael Clichy's name comes up in this article about Real Madrid targets. [Daily Mail]

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/27/2010

From: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/leagues/premierleague/arsenal/7636485/Arsenal-manager-Arsene-Wenger-to-receive-transfer-windfall-from-Highbury-property-sales.html

Arsene Wenger Is Very Disappointed in You 4/26/10

From: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1268877/Arsenal-boss-Arsene-Wenger-reveals-news-fan-wants-hear--Im-ready-splash-cash-summer.html

News Roundup 4/26/10 - The Post of the Year Edition

Pic via Arsenal.com.

• Cesc Fabregas and Thomas Vermaelen were both voted to the PFA Premier League Team of the Year. Some sort of gnome from Man. United won Player of the Year, though. [Arsenal.com, ESPN Soccernet, Sky Sports]
• There's nothing more enjoyable than reading about the disdain Robin van Persie has for Emmanuel Adebayor. [Sky Sports, Daily Mirror]
• Here's a pretty good piece on Jack Wilshere's development. I don't even have anything sarcastic to say about it or anything! [Times]
• Fabregas should be fit for the World Cup. Good news for Spain, which pretty much doesn't affect me whatsoever. [BBC]
• Sol Campbell for England! [Daily Telegraph]
• Wild transfer accusation time!
• Arsene Wenger will spend money this summer! [Daily Mail]
• Who said Pepe Reina to Arsenal? Where did that even come from? Was someone just picking names and teams out of a hat? [Guardian]
• Secret money to keep Cesc from a move to Spain? [Daily Mail]
• Nice striker Loic Remy still wants to come to Arsenal, but won't pass up a chance to move to another European heavyweight club instead. [Daily Mail]

Arsenal 0 - 0 Manchester City: Pippi Longstocking

Emmanuel Adebayor was all smiles quite often in his return to the Emirates. Pic via City Newspaper.

Arsenal 0

Manchester City 0

Everybody had the feeling that this was going to be a tumultuous affair. Emmanuel Adebayor was probably going to do something stupid, especially if he, God forbid, scored a goal, and emotions would be running high as Arsenal looked to lock up third place and City looked to move back into fourth. Likely, this would be a high scoring encounter, as both sides are a bit shaky on defense.

And then absolutely none of that happened.

The most interesting thing to talk about in this match was, of course, Emmanuel Adebayor's pigtailed hair and orange boots. As for the rest, here are the highlights:

• There were six shots on target combined between the teams. I remember one of them, Nasri's in the first half.
• Van Persie's free kick that just went wide was kind of crushing. Watching the instant replay was depressing, seeing how close it was to 1-0.
• City did nothing offensively all game. Like, at all. Which was great, given Fabianski's track record in goal.
• I thought Silvestre played really well. No, seriously.
• You know, if you're not going to even try to utilize his height in the box, why even use Bendtner as a lone striker and drop Van Persie back?
• It was definitely a lot more comfortable to watch this match knowing Alex Song was back and in control of the holding role.
• Shay Given's injury is really bad news for City. I enjoyed that the back-up keeper was named Gunnar. I thought that would help us. It didn't, really.

That's really about it. Every recap you will see of this match will use the word "boring." Anyway, two matches to play and the odds of not finishing in third are, I believe, less than 1%. It would be nice to lock it up next Monday at Blackburn, but it really does seem like they're just coasting to the finish line now.

Preview: Arsenal v. Manchester City

Pic via Guardian. Caption mine, naturally.

Emirates Stadium, London

Saturday, April 24

17:30 BST, 12:30 p.m. EDT

• Referee: Mike Dean
• This Match, Last Year: Arsenal 2 - 0 Manchester City
• All-Time in All Competitions: 91 Arsenal wins, 45 Manchester City wins, 38 draws
• Arsenal's Recent Form: W-W-D-W-L-L
• Manchester City's Recent Form: W-L-W-W-W-L

Predicted Line-Up

guesses italicized

Fabianski

Sagna - Campbell - Silvestre - Clichy

Rosicky - Song - Diaby

Nasri - Bendtner - Van Persie

Subs from: Mannone, Traore, Eastmond, Merida, Eboue, Eduardo, Walcott

Out: Denilson (groin), Almunia (wrist), Arshavin (calf), Vermaelen (calf), Fabregas (leg), Gallas (calf), Ramsey (leg), Gibbs (foot), Djourou (knee)

Arsenal News and Notes

• Andrei Arshavin expected to return from his calf injury for this match, but Wednesday suffered a setback in training and has now been ruled out.
• Alex Song could return to the line-up, but that's it. Manuel Almunia is still out with a wrist injury and Denilson is still out with a tight groin.
• In terms of long term injuries, Vermaelen, Fabregas, Gallas, Ramsey, and Gibbs all remain out for the year. Johan Djourou has a slim chance of returning before season's end.
• An Arsenal win, coupled with a Spurs loss at Old Trafford earlier in the day, will clinch at least a third place finish for the Gunners, and automatic qualification to the group stage of the 2010-11 Champions League.
• Arsenal have now picked up four points out of a possible 12 in their last four Premier League matches, including a draw at Birmingham and losses at Tottenham and Wigan.
• Across all competitions, Arsenal have won one match over their last six. They have lost three straight.

Manchester City News and Notes

• Micah Richards could return from a knee injury, while former Gunner Sylvinho could return from a calf problem as well.
• Joleon Lescott likely remains out with a hamstring injury while Michael Johnson and Martin Petrov are both out for the season with knee injuries.
• Before their 1-0 derby loss to Manchester United last weekend, City had won three straight matches by the combined score of 14-2.
• City are unbeaten in their last five away fixtures in the league. Their last loss away from home came in shocking fashion at Hull City, 2-1, in February. They did lose in extra time at Stoke in the FA Cup since then.

Match Facts

• Manchester City has won both prior meetings with Arsenal this season, both matches in Manchester. City won 4-2 in league play in September and 3-0 against a weakened Arsenal side in the League Cup quarterfinal in December.
• Arsenal defeated City 2-0 at the Emirates last season, but it was Emmanuel Adebayor who had the brace.
• Manchester City has not actually won at Arsenal since a 3-2 win on October 4, 1975. They have drawn six matches in North London since.
• The referee is Mike Dean, who has worked nothing but disastrous games for Arsenal this season, including the 2-1 loss at Old Trafford, the 1-1 draw at Burnley's Turf Moor, and the 2-0 loss at Stamford Bridge.
• City, however, has not lost a match officiated by Dean this year, winning against Blackburn, Chelsea, and Manchester United in the home leg of the League Cup semifinal. They've also drawn against Aston Villa and Birmingham City with Mike Dean as the referee.

Around the League

• Saturday: Manchester United v. Tottenham Hotspur; Old Trafford, Manchester 
• Saturday: Bolton Wanderers v. Portsmouth; Reebok Stadium, Bolton
• Saturday: Hull City v. Sunderland; KC Stadium, Kingston-upon-Hull
• Saturday: West Ham United v. Wigan Athletic; Boleyn Ground at Upton Park, London
• Saturday: Wolverhampton Wanderers v. Blackburn Rovers; Molineux, Wolverhampton
• Sunday: Aston Villa v. Birmingham City; Villa Park, Birmingham
• Sunday: Burnley v. Liverpool; Turf Moor, Burnley
• Sunday: Everton v. Fulham; Goodison Park, Liverpool
• Sunday: Chelsea v. Stoke City; Stamford Bridge, London 

News Roundup 4/20/10 - The Horse's Head Edition

Lukasz Fabianski insists you read The Godfather, but his performances are all of the dark story lines we can handle right now. Pic via Daily Telegraph.

• Lukasz Fabianksi talks about reading The Godfather to relax, as part of the Premier League's Reading Stars program. There's nothing like a good story to forget about how you ruined your career at Arsenal on Sunday! [Daily Telegraph]
• Transfer madness! Lot of talk about a Gael Clichy (or, Glichy, as per the Mirror typo) move to Barcelona. Who wants to guess how many former Arsenal players will be playing with Barcelona and Manchester City combined in three years time? I'm going with six. [Guardian, Daily Mirror]
• Seriously, start getting those Chamakh chants ready. [BBC]
• To quote a new chant we were working on here in New York on Sunday morning: "He's tall! He's black! We're gonna buy him back! Sol Campbell!" [Daily Mirror]
• Traction building for the rumored £20-21 million deal to bring Arsenal season-ruiners Hugo Rodallega and Charles N'Zogbia to North London from Wigan. Then again, it's only gotten real press in the Mirror and Mail. [Daily Mail]
• And how about more on the Joe Hart in goal rumor? Shield your eyes from the mention of Ryan Shawcross in this article, please! [Guardian]
• So, talk about the whole "five years sans silverware" thing is coming up again, as expected after that thrilling display of passionate football on Sunday:
• Here's Arsene Wenger on the progress that has been made. [Daily Telegraph]
• Here's Samir Nasri on how winning titles isn't the only thing in the world. Really? What else do you get parades for? Best pitch? Because the Emirates has that down. [Sky Sports]
• Shield your eyes from this too, so don't blame the messenger: referee for Saturday's visit to the Emirates by Manchester City will be the unmitigated disaster that is Mike Dean. [Refworld]

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/20/2010

From: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/380916-arsene-wenger-and-arsenal-must-embrace-change-after-disappointing-finish

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/19/2010

I mean it's hard not to be, but we will keep our chins up even if Arsene doesn't.

From: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1267175/As-Arsenals-title-hopes-collapse-Wigan-Sportsmail-asks-Where-Gunners-here.html

Arsene Wenger Is Very Disappointed in You 4/18/2010

Even from the road we know Wenger is VERY disappointed.

Happy Birthday, Lukasz Fabianski!

Hipster Gooner would like to wish Lukasz Fabianski a very happy 25th birthday!


Now please kindly leave the party.

Wigan Athletic 3 - 2 Arsenal: Watch Me Make Three Points Disappear

This means we get revenge next year, right? Pic via Guardian.

Wigan Athletic 3: Watson 80, Bramble 89, N'Zogbia 90+1

Arsenal 2: Walcott 41, Silvestre 48

For significant periods of today's match, your beloved Gunners played like a team comfortably sitting mid-table; not necessarily playing for anything in particular, without a care in the world. They took a 2-0 lead against a team toward the bottom of said table and looked to walk away with three points. Then, the opposition remembered they're fighting against relegation and pulled a goal back. Suddenly, your heroes were shell-shocked and incapable of defending the major offensive powerhouse that is Wigan Athletic (no disrespect meant to N'Zogbia, Rodallega, and Moses, by the way.) A crucial error and some more lacakadaisical defending later, it's Arsenal walking out of Greater Manchester with nothing to show for the trip but a bloodied ego.

With the line-up Arsene Wenger selected, what did you expect from this game? For me, I expected a nil-nil game at halftime despite mostly comfortable possession and a 1-0 win thanks to a cameo appearance from Robin van Persie off the bench in the 70th minute.

Lukasz Fabianksi, of picking-the-ball-up-at-Porto fame, got the start in place of Manuel Almunia, who has an injured wrist (likely due to the amount of activity on his probably fake Twitter account.) Denilson, who suffered a groin injury at Spurs on Wednesday did not feature either, and was replaced by the young Craig Eastmond, making his second start of the year (the first was at Bolton in January.) Campbell and Silvestre started in the central defense, as expected after Vermaelen's injury on Wednesday. Robin van Persie started on the bench, still not at 100% match fitness after his five month layoff. 18-year-old midfielder Conor Henderson was named to the bench as well (meaning Eduardo was conspicuously absent) and he doesn't even have a Wikipedia article about him yet.

My first half prediction was completely wrong: Arsenal lead 1-0, thanks to a Theo Walcott goal after breaking through the defense and pushing a shot just under the keeper's arm as he hit the ground, but Arsenal never really had control of the play. At times, it feels like with Fabregas and van Persie on the pitch, the Gunnres appear allergic to both touching the ball in the box and shooting. The defense was solid, but found themselves under pressure far more often than they should have.

Arsenal extended the lead to 2-0 early in the second half after a Mikael Silvestre header coming from a corner (no, seriously, stop laughing, it happened.)  That is about when it appeared that the Gunners assumed that the three points were theirs and they started coasting. Arsenal was unfocused and Wigan started to command more of a territorial advantage. With ten minutes to play, Wigan pulled a goal back, when Arsenal's defense allowed Watson to take an uncontested sidefooted strike to the corner of the goal, a solid shot, I must say.

Then, Arsenal was stunned, and off a corner with a minute to play before injury time, Fabianski's attempt to catch the ball was fumbled directly into the head of Titus Bramble three years in front of the net. Wigan will never score an easier equalizer.

Suddenly, a subsitution to use Robin van Persie was necessary, but the Gunners had already stopped playing. N'Zogbia picked up possession 20 yards out from Rodallega and pounded a beautiful shot off the post and in. That's about when I couldn't feel my legs and face and had to sit down motionless for ten minutes on a bar stool.

If I hadn't pulled myself out of bed at 7 a.m. this morning to make it to the bar and see it for myself, I would not believe what happened. One day after Chelsea faltered once again to open up another glimmer of hope for the title race, Arsenal threw the chance away. This is now four times Arsenal's title hopes have ended this year; this time, it's for good.

Preview: Wigan Athletic v. Arsenal

Vermaelen scored twice against Wigan in September. He is now out for the season. Pic via Guardian.

DW Stadium, Wigan

Sunday, April 18

13:30 BST, 8:30 a.m. EDT

• Referee: Lee Mason
• This Match, Last Year: Wigan 1 - 4 Arsenal
• All-Time in All Competitions: 10 Arsenal wins, 1 Wigan win, 1 draw
• Arsenal's Recent Form: W-W-W-D-W-L
• Wigan's Recent Form: L-L-W-L-L-D

Predicted Line-Up

Almunia

Sagna - Campbell - Silvestre - Clichy

Eboue - Nasri - Diaby

Rosicky - Bendtner - Van Persie

Subs from: Fabianski, Traore, Eastmond, Merida, Eduardo, Vela, Walcott

Out: Song (knee), Denilson (groin), Arshavin (calf), Vermaelen (calf), Fabregas (leg), Gallas (calf), Ramsey (leg), Gibbs (foot), Djourou (knee)

Arsenal News and Notes

• Alex Song is expected to miss one match with inflamed cartilege in his knee, while Denilson is doubtful with a tight groin. Andrei Arshavin remains sidelined with a calf injury.
• Thomas Vermaelen suffered a calf injury of his own in the first half on Wednesday and is now the sixth Arsenal player deemed out for the remainder of the season. That means that of those six, four are defenders and three are center backs.
• Arsenal have only picked up four points out of a possible nine in their last three league games and have won one of their last five across all competitions. This has come after a six match winning streak in league play.
• Arsenal have lost their last two matches after going unbeaten in nine across all competitions.

Wigan News and Notes

• Gary Caldwell is unavailable, serving the third game of a three match ban after being sent off at Manchester City.
• Wigan drew 0-0 at home with Portsmouth on Wednesday. In terms of injuries, Emmanuel Boyce returned from back/hip problem, but Hendry Thomas was not picked in the side with a quadricep injury. Richard Kingson remains a long-term injury with a groin problem.
• In terms of results, the Latics were booed off the pitch by their own supporters are the scoreless draw. A win could've been Wigan seven points outside of the drop zone; they instead sit five points above peril.
• Wigan have won twice in their last 16 matches across all competitions, a stretch which included a crash out of the FA Cup at home to League Two Notts County in a replay.
• Wigan have not scored more than once in each of their last 14 league matches, dating back to a 2-0 win at Wolves on January 16.

Match Facts

• Wigan Athletic has never defeated Arsenal in league play (Wigan's first top flight year was 2005/06.) Arsenal has won 8 of the 9 league meetings; the other was a 0-0 draw in March of 2008, part of Arsenal's post-Eduardo season collapse.
• Wigan defeated Arsenal in the League Cup semi-final first leg at home 1-0 in 2006, their only victory against the Gunners. Their 2-1 loss in North London in the second leg meant the Latics advanced on away goals. Arsenal trailed the tie 2-0 and needed three goals in the final ten minutes to advance; they only got two; a Fitz Hall own goal in the 81st and a Tomas Rosicky goal in the 85th.
• Arsenal have outscored Wigan 8-3 in league matches at Wigan, and 13-3 in league matches at home.
• The referee is Lee Mason. The only Arsenal match he has officiated this year was a 2-0 home win over West Bromwich Albion in the League Cup. He's officiated three for Wigan: a 3-1 win at Burnley, a 5-0 loss at Manchester United, and a 2-1 loss at Blackburn Rovers. He's shown 105 cards this season in 33 matches, 100 of them yellow, 5 red.

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/16/2010

From: http://www.sport.co.uk/news/Football/36973/Wenger_I_want_to_do_it_so_well_it_becomes_art.aspx

Five Stages of Pub Grief

For us Gooners, yesterday's 2-1 loss is a very difficult pill to swallow and we all know it. Like any type of loss in one's life, psychology dictates that one will go through five distinct stages of grief, the severity of which depends upon the severity of the situation. In terms of sporting events, here are the five stages of pub grief:

1. DENIAL
"This can't be happening. A guy in his first Premier League game, scoring that goal? No way did that just happen..."

As things start to go wrong, as they did early with Danny Rose's stunning opener, one gets a momentary feeling of denial; the sudden shock is met instantaneously with a feeling of disbelief. The first stage of grief is normally only a temporary defense for the individual, and it leads quickly to...

2. ANGER
"That goal wouldn't have happened if Almunia just caught the ball in the first place!"
"Who the hell are you passing that to?"
"Why are you playing ten yards outside of the box, Bendtner?"
"GASDLFASOAJSDOFASF!"

Much of the match following Rose's tenth minute goal carried on in the second stage of grief, anger. Trailing so early in a rivalry game such as this heightens one's expectations and necessity for a quick reply. When those expectations are increasingly not met, as Arsenal struggled to create opportunities in the final third of the pitch, patience wears thin.

3. BARGAINING
"Okay, if we come back and win this game, I promise to buy another Arsenal shirt."

Our own Maxwell Foxman is quickly becoming famous for reaching this level during close matches. In the third stage, one starts to concoct deals with some sort of higher power, in this case, probably Nike, the Greek goddess of victory, or her Roman counterpart, Victoria.

This usually doesn't happen until after the 80th minute or so if trailing, and the 85th if tied. Cesc Fabregas's winning penalty in injury time at Stoke City in February forced Max to buy this shirt.

4. DEPRESSION
"Well, that's it. We can't win the title now. It's all over. This is awful."

The fourth stage of grief usually hits once the match has reached full-time, as all previous stages of grief are no longer applicable. There's nothing to bargain for anymore, the match is over, the result is final. Sometimes, one exaggerates their reactions to the situation in this stage, for example, by writing a post like this. The length during which this stage will last depends on numerous factors: the importance of the match, the length of time between now and the next match, and the severity of the loss.

5. ACCEPTANCE

I'll have to get back to you on this one. I'm still in stage four.

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/15/2010

He says it basically too

From: http://www.inthenews.co.uk/news/sport/football-clubs/arsenal/wenger-concedes-arsenal-s-title-challenge-effectively-over-$1371318.htm

Friends of Scum

Now we normally love our friends who are afflicted with the unfortunate malady known as supporting Tottenham. We've gone for drinks, danced to hipster music -- even played FIFA with them (and God damn it, if Almunia hadn't run all the way to the center line, we would've won!) But match days are truly the best test of bonds that span North London. Today, three of us received text messages so rude, so dastardly that we hesitate to include them below. Women, children, avert your eyes.

First, sent to two of our English correspondents:

Hahahahahahahahahahahaaa!

Comments like this are neither constructive nor particularly entertaining. In conclusion, not funny.

Secondly, sent to yours truly:

Watching the game?

Comments like this present themselves as innocuous and friendly. They aren't. EVIL! EVIL!!!

Messages like the above are utterly despicable and should never, ever be sent to your so-called friends.

...Unless, of course, we're sending them. Then it's just part of the game, innit?

Tottenham Hotspur 2 - 1 Arsenal: Are We Tottenham in Disguise?

Pic via Guardian.

Tottenham 2: Rose 10, Bale 47

Arsenal 1: Bendtner 85

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?

Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal Liveblog

ARSENAL ARCHIVES - Tottenham

In anticipation of tonight’s North London derby, we’re taking a look at some of the most memorable matches in recent years between Arsenal and Portsmouth Seniors. If you can’t stomach the lasagne, get out of the kitchen.

1996/97 Arsenal 3 – 1 Tottenham

This was Arsene Wenger’s first match against Tottenham, and even then, when the only thing thicker than his hair was his glasses, Arsene was still cutting it fine. In a match that the Gunners completely dominated, it was 1-1 until the 88th minute (I initially typed 888th minute which strangely seems like a better reflection of how agonising the game was). And then up steps Tony Adams with one of those trademark volleys he only ever unleashed in important matches. Cue hysteria. There was even time for Dennis Bergkamp to make a fool of the Spurs defence in injury time. I particularly like Ian Wright directing the crowd’s celebrations like some demented circus ringmaster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOvaxECYrrw


1999/2000 Tottenham 2 – 1 Arsenal

The last time Tottenham beat us in the league. Nothing to see here.


2003/04 Tottenham 2 – 2 Arsenal

“We won the league at White Hart Lane.” At half time we’d played some scintillating stuff and it was 2-0 to us. Knowing that we only needed a point to win the league title, things got a bit peculiar in the second half and we kindly allowed Spurs back into the game. Jens Lehmann had an early onset of senility and pushed Robbie Keane over in the box when the ball was off somewhere near the corner flag. Anyway, the resulting last-minute penalty meant the game ended 2-2. Arsenal celebrated but it wasn’t *quite* perfect.

Having said that, if John Terry hadn’t missed a sitter in the game’s earlier match between Chelsea and Newcastle, we wouldn’t have won with just a point. So it was almost worth drawing just to give Terry a sleepless night (for entirely different reasons than usual).


2004/05 Tottenham 4 – 5 Arsenal

I mean, come on, just look at the scoreline. Do I really need to say anything else?

Here’s how it went – 1-0, 1-1, 1-2, 1-3, 2-3, 2-4, 3-4, 3-5, 4-5. Every goal scored by a different player. Needless to say, the defending was woeful although – and this is going to sound petty – outside of the goals, it wasn’t really that good a game. Every chance yielded a goal and until the first goal on 37 minutes, the match was duller than Alex McLeish promoting non-alcoholic beer. Still, it epitomises both teams’ problems for most of the last decade – potency in front of goal and a wealth of attacking options, coupled with dodgy defences and a tendency to leak leak leak.


2005/06 Arsenal 1 – 1 Tottenham

“Highbury’s last derby tainted by bad blood.” That was how The Independent reported on this memorable bout. For a start, it was always going to be a battle. It was the first derby in years – decades, even – that meant more than just pride. Coming into the game, Tottenham were ahead of Arsenal in the race for fourth place. Defeat for Arsenal would have left them six points behind with only three games to play. In other words, lose this and we can kiss the Champions League goodbye.

Wenger must have been very disappointed in Thierry Henry and Cesc Fabregas because he inexplicably dropped them both to the bench. It would almost have been funny if the situation wasn’t so desperate. Tottenham controlled the first half without scoring. The only incident of note was an injury to Philippe Senderos. Highbury was anxious. A hush descended on the fated stadium.

And then it all kicked off.

Emmanuel Eboue collided with Gilberto and stayed down hurt. Unwritten law at this time said you should put the ball out. Spurs law said, when their right back is down injured, play someone into the space that he would normally be defending. Which Michael Carrick duly did, releasing Edgar Davids who crossed for Robbie Keane to tap in.

The players started squaring up, Lehmann goes chasing after Davids all over the pitch, low-level violence breaks out between the supporters, Arsenal’s managing director even confronts some idiotic Tottenham board member who celebrated too vociferously in the directors’ box, and most gloriously of all, Arsene goes head-to-head with Tottenham manager Martin Jol. Mutual screaming. It was beautiful.

So on comes Henry and predictably equalises. Off goes Davids for a wild challenge (probably still pursued by Lehmann). And all was very unfair in love and war. The infamous lasagna-gate episode eventually counted for Tottenham on the last day of the season but this was one derby you don’t forget.

Oh and don’t worry, Eboue was fine.


2008/09 Arsenal 4 – 4 Tottenham

Pain. Pure undiluted pain.

When you enter the 89th minute of a match 4-2 up, the last thing you expect to be doing in 4 minutes time is hitting any inanimate object you can get within punching distance. Arsenal reject David Bentley scored an admittedly spectacular goal to open the scoring before Arsenal eased into a 3-1 lead. Even when Spurs got back to 3-2, Van Persie scored the very next minute to restore a 2-goal cushion. Unfortunately, in this case it was a whoopee cushion.

Ok, let’s get this bit out the way quickly. GailClichyslippedallowingJermaineJenastorununopposedandscorealuckygoal. ThensomebastardlumpstheballforwardfromkickoffithitsthepostandcomesouttoanonrushingAaronLennon. Arsenal fans all over the world age two years in two minutes.

As two-goal salvos go, it was impressive. Almost as impressive as this…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzrV8miA0Ig


2008/09 Tottenham 0 – 0 Arsenal

This deserves a mention purely because it features Eboue going nuts. Seriously, I’ve never seen a player come out as aggressively as Eboue did that day. It’s obvious he’d got himself absurdly geed up for this match (probably because of what happened in the previous one) but right from the whistle he was like a little gremlin that had been fed on raw meat for a year. He was flying into everything – Tottenham players, Arsenal players, the ref, the fans… well maybe those last two are an exaggeration but you get the idea. How he managed to stay on the pitch for 37 minutes I’ll never know. And not only that, but he had no position whatsoever. He went where the ball went and hacked down anyone in his path. He’d be tackling their centre forward one moment and then tackle the goalkeeper in the very same minute. He came out and publicly apologised to the fans after the match. Some say Arsenal need more players with his spirit. Others say if that was the case we’d regularly play matches with eleven against none.

Preview: Tottenham Hotspur v. Arsenal, Line-Up Updated

Cartoon via Studs Up.

White Hart Lane, London

Wednesday, April 14

20:00 BST, 3:00 p.m. EDT

• Referee: Mark Clattenburg
• This Match, Last Year: Tottenham 0 - 0 Arsenal
• All-Time in All Competitions: 68 Arsenal wins, 50 Tottenham wins, 44 draws
• Arsenal's Recent Form: W-W-W-W-D-W
• Tottenham's Recent Form: W-W-W-W-W-L

Predicted Line-Up

guesses italicized

Almunia

Sagna - Campbell - Vermaelen - Clichy

Rosicky - Denilson - Diaby

  Nasri - Bendtner - Walcott

Subs from: Fabianski, Silvestre, Traore, Eboue, Vela, Eduardo, Van Persie

Out: Song (knee) Fabregas (leg), Arshavin (calf), Gallas (calf), Ramsey (leg), Gibbs (foot), Djourou (knee)

Arsenal News and Notes

• Arsenal have had a week off following their crash out of Europe last Tuesday.
• Even with the long layoff, Arsenal's injuries are generally so long term that the only potentially expected return to the line-up for this match would be Alex Song, who is still dealing with inflamed cartilege in his knee, suffered against Wolves.
• However, Robin van Persie may return to the bench Wednesday, if Arsene Wenger deems him fit enough after training tomorrow.
• Should Sol Campbell feature, it'll be his first game at White Hart Lane since 2005. Campbell left Spurs for Arsenal on a free transfer in 2001.
• Arsenal are unbeaten in their last eight Premier League matches.
• If Arsenal wins all five of their remaining games, they will finish no worse than 2nd in the Premier League, after Manchester United's 0-0 draw at Blackburn yesterday.
• A win for the Gunners makes it St. Totteringham's Day. With a win, Arsenal will be assured of a better record than Tottenham at season's end.

Tottenham News and Notes

• Perennially injured Spurs captain Ledley King is confident he could return to the line-up Wednesday. He has not played since February with a thigh injury; he's battled knee problems throughout his career.
• Niko Kranjcar suffered an ankle injury on Sunday and will not feature in the derby.
• Aaron Lennon is back in training after sititng out with a groin injury, but is also not expected to play.
• Wilson Palacios is serving the first of a two match ban for accumulation.
• Spurs are four points adrift of Manchester City in fourth (the final Champions League qualification spot) with a game in hand (which is this game.)
• Tottenham have lost two straight across all competitions; falling 3-1 to Sunderland then 2-0 to Portsmouth in the FA Cup Semi-Final.
• Prior to this, Spurs had won five straight in the league and had gone unbeaten in nine across the league and FA Cup. 

Match Facts

• We hate Tottenham and we hate Tottenham.
• We hate Tottenham and we hate Tottenham.
• We hate Tottenham and we hate Tottenham.
• We are the Tottenham haters.
• Tottenham Hotspur have not beaten Arsenal in the Premier League since a 2-1 win at White Hart Lane on November 7, 1999. Arsenal have won 11 times since, 9 matches were drawn.
• Arsenal won the first meeting between the two teams this year on Halloween, 3-0 at the Emirates. Robin van Persie and Cesc Fabregas scored in quick succession just before halftime (the goals were separated by 11 seconds of actual playing time.)
• The referee is Mark Clattenburg. This year he officiated the first meeting between Arsenal and Spurs, in addition to Arsenal's 4-2 loss at Manchester City, their 2-0 win over Stoke City, and their 2-1 FA Cup win over West Ham. He was the only official to grant Arsenal a penalty kick during the "Eduardo embargo" which went on for 36 matches after the Croatian was accused of simulation against Celtic in the Champions League playoff.

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/12/2010

From: http://www.football.co.uk/blogs/5003/685094.shtml

Transfer 101

As the premiership season draws to its conclusion, and the epicenter of the footballing world shifts to South Africa, it is not long before the season of wild rumor begins: the summer transfers. Arsenal can still win the league, but the might of Chelsea and Manchester United looks likely to prevail. It is in these last games before the summer that Wenger, and we, can see the weaknesses that need to be rectified, the chinks in the armor. Wenger is careful and considered when it comes to signing players, taking his time before making the first move.

Goalkeepers


Manuel Almunia has recently been in strong form, but his overall performance throughout the season has been lacking. The main issue is a lack of confidence from his defenders in the man between the sticks. Almunia's is a remarkable story: rising from a lower division Spanish team to become the number one for one of the biggest teams in the world. Perhaps Wenger is a little too enamored with the romance of it all. Fabianski and Mannone both look promising but do not seem to possess the anchorage of calm that an Arsenal team that can be occasionally nervy requires. This may eventually be delivered by the much praised Wojciech Szczęsny, currently on loan at Brentford. Szczęsny needs to develop however, and throwing into him the deep end of the Premiership is likely to frazzle his confidence and endanger the team's performance. Wenger's priority has to be a goalkeeper that is able to allow the defenders to believe that when a long ball is played into the box towards the end of a match it will be dealt with. I think the answer to this problem is Hugo Lloris (pictured above). The French international would fit in perfectly with Arsenal's psyche (for starters, he's French) and Wenger has already expressed his admiration, calling him "A fantastic keeper who will be a fantastic keeper in the future." When pressed on his desire to sign Lloris, he commented "I don’t know. At the moment we don’t need a keeper." Arsène, I beg to differ.

Defense


Arsenal's defense is currently a bit of an enigma. The stats show that the back four have conceded the 6th least goals this season. Not terrible. The experience of watching the matches shows that the defense has been fairly solid, except when dealing with set pieces. Looking forward, the return of Djorou should allow Wenger to possibly say au revoir to all three rusting battleships: Gallas, Silvestre and Campbell. Djorou and Vermaelen could build an excellent partnership; both are young, powerful and calm in possession. Left-back is four-deep with talent: Clichy, Gibbs, Traore and Tom Cruise all hoping to fly wingman to the center-halves. The issue comes on the other side of the pitch. Sagna is a great player and works extremely hard but his crossing is not great (keep an eye out for the SSC = Sagna Suspect Cross next time you are watching). His willingness to press up the pitch often leaves the defense exposed and when playing with Walcott they seem to cancel each other out. Were Sagna to be mangled by a hired thug (otherwise known as Stoke/Hull/Burnley player) at some point there is little cover other than Eboue, who is the definition of unreliable. The cure to the problem would be César Azpilicueta (pictured above left). Last year Arsenal had an offer rejected by his club Osasuna, but this year may see renewed interest as Manchester City step up their own pursuit. Azpilicueta might allow Walcott to have a greater presence in the game, and being right-footed would allow another aspect to the crossing game, important with the arrival of Chamakh. He would also top the highly competitive list of Arsenal players with surnames most likely to be misspelled in an MBM.

Midfield


Fabregas, Nasri, Arshavin, Rosicky, Ramsey, Diaby, Song, Denilson, Merida, Wilshere, Emmanuel-Thomas, and a host more of talented youngsters like Barazite and Ozyakup who could make an appearance in the first team make the midfield an extremely congested place for Arsenal players. If Wenger decides to add anyone they will have to compete hard for their place against players determined to break into the first team like Jack Wilshere (pictured above).

Forwards


It is no secret that Marouane Chamakh (pictured above) is on his way to Arsenal. He can play at the front of a lethal arrowhead, flanked by Arshavin and Van Persie. Wenger has done his work, now it is time for the fans to start their work on Chamakh chants. The obvious direction here is the rhyme 'smack' for 'Chamakh'. I personally would love Arsenal fans to adopt an adapted Akon chorus:

Brokesmouth Relegated, West Brom Returns

Samir Nasri scored his first goal with Arsenal, and the first goal of the 2008-09 season against West Bromwich Albion, in the 4th minute. But what is with his teeth? Pic via Guardian.

Everyone has been expecting it for weeks, but today Portsmouth was mathematically relegated from the Premier League, thanks to West Ham's 1-0 win over Sunderland at Upton Park. Wigan Athletic sits in the last safe space at 17th place. Portsmouth, following their nine point deduction for entering administration sit 17 points from safety with five matches left to play and 15 potential points left to win. In an interesting twist, Portsmouth could qualify for the FA Cup Final tomorrow with a win over Tottenham one day after being assured of the inevitable.

Meanwhile, West Bromwich Albion will return to the Premier League next season, after their 3-2 win over Doncaster Rovers assured at least a second place finish for the Baggies in the Championship. Arsenal won the first game of the 2008-09 Premier League season against Albion 1-0 at the Emirates. They also won 3-1 at The Hawthorns.

Burnley's 4-1 win over Hull City at the KC Stadium, coupled with West Ham's win makes it seem like now both Burnley and Hull will be the other two teams relegated to next year's Championship. Both teams sit four points adrift of safety, but Burnley have played an extra game compared to many of their relegation rivals.

As for the vital third promotion slot from the Championship, it's decided by a playoff between the 3rd through 6th place teams. Nottingham Forest's 3-0 win over Ipswich Town has assured them a place in the playoffs, thanks to Blackpool's (in 7th) 4-1 lost to recently-assured-promotion Newcastle. Blackpool are now two points adrift of the final playoff spot with three games to play.

Cardiff City, Leicester City, and Swansea City currently sit in the other three playoff positions. Five teams from 7th to 11th place could mathematically finish in the 6th and final playoff spot.

This Weekend in Not Arsenal

Since Arsenal decided they didn't feel like being in the FA Cup this year, we find ourselves without an Arsenal match to watch this weekend. Here's what's going on in the meantime:

• Premier League fixtures scheduled between teams no longer in the FA Cup are played as scheduled:
• Saturday: Hull City v. Burnley in a huge relegation six-pointer. A Hull win mathematically relegates Portsmouth.
• Saturday: West Ham v. Sunderland; a Hammers win would also mathematically relegate Portsmouth.
• Sunday: Wolves v. Stoke; Wolves are five points above the drop zone.
• Sunday: Blackburn v. Man United, without Wayne Rooney, two points out of first.
• Sunday: Liverpool v. Fulham; the Reds are four points out of fourth with the teams ahead of them having a game in hand. Both teams are the only English sides still alive in Europe, albeit in the Europa League.
• Sunday: Man City v. Birmingham; City can extend their hold on fourth.
• The FA Cup is also happening at Wembley. With two teams I hate still involved, it'd be nice if Wembley again hosted the Horse of the Year show beforehand to ruin the pitch:
• Saturday: Aston Villa v. Chelsea; please don't let Chelsea win the Double.
• Sunday: Portsmouth v. Tottenham; please go deep into extra time and then agonizing round after round of penalties, as to destroy Spurs mentally and physically before Wednesday. Thanks!
• Also, wouldn't it be strange if Portsmouth qualifies for the FA Cup Final the day after being assured relegation?
• Along with Arsenal: Everton, Bolton, and Wigan are also off this weekend.

Because it's going to be strange to not be drinking at 10 a.m. on Saturday, here's a list of other ways you could occupy your time in lieu of singing about Arsenal at the pub tomorrow morning:

• You could sing about Arsenal at the pub anyway! Or just root against the teams you hate. Just do it at Lunasa instead of Nevada Smiths if you're in New York. The Hammers will dominate the 10 a.m. match, followed by the annoying stream of Chelsea fans at noon, unless they decide to go to Nevadas anyway, like they did last week. Bastards.
• The weather in New York will be in the low 60's and breezy tomorrow. This means you should do everything possible to buy some sort of Arsenal kite and go fly it in any of the following locations:
• Up and down the street outside of Nevada Smiths while chanting pro-Kieran chants (again, you're going to want to click that link above.)
• Coney Island, the site of many of Max's failed (and one successful!) kite attempts this past summer.
• Tompkins Square Park, due to its close proximity to the pub at which you should have been singing all morning.
• London. Just because. But that just goes against the whole weather in New York thing I said before. Don't listen to me, I'm a blathering idiot.
• Knit your own Arsenal scarf! Just don't ask me how to do it, because I have no fucking idea. You need those needles, or something.
• Sleep all weekend. Because seriously, if Arsenal isn't playing, why even be awake?
• Play a game of pick-up football in a park. If you're unsure of what position to play, perhaps you should try central defense. Then call Arsene Wenger and tell him you'll be ready to slip right into Arsenal's line-up.
• Watch another sport. HAHAHAHAHA, just kidding.
• Wear bunny ears. Yeah, it's not like Max has ever done that after a 1-0 win against Wolves last weekend or anything.
• Come see our band at an open mic on Sunday night. Yeah, that was really self-serving, I'm sorry. But, you might get to see those bunny ears... and an AWIVDIY shirt.

News Roundup 4/9/10 - The Dramatic Return Edition

Here's Robin van Persie, with two guys who don't play for us anymore. Pic via some random wallpaper site.

• Arsenal.com came out with a great interview with head physio Colin Lewin, on the team's rash of injuries this season. Here's what we learned:
• Cesc Fabregas will be able to play for Spain in the World Cup.
• Aaron Ramsey will make a full recovery and be back by autumn.
• Defenders Johan Djourou and Kieran Gibbs will resume training soon...
• ...as will Robin van Persie!
• Here's more on van Persie's return from the Guardian. The Daily Mirror suggests that van Persie could return to action Wednesday at Tottenham, given how crucial the match is for Arsenal's title hopes. It's not like a tabloid would ever exaggerate, right? My assumption would be that he'd return on the 24th against City, maybe next Sunday at Wigan if he's lucky. The last time we rushed a guy back from injury, Gallas re-injured himself in 40 minutes and is done for the year and France is pissed. Learn from our mistaken gambles or go all in? 
• Strong words from the blond dreadlocks: Bacary Sagna says Arsenal "plays too much" and is more concerned as a team about playing pretty rather than winning. Considering the source on this article, ESPN Soccernet, I'm sure they've twisted things to blow it out of proportion.
• The Daily Telegraph blames the Premier League's "culture of debt" on their crashes out of Europe before the Champions League Semi-Finals. Actually, it was Bayern Munich's president that said it. Again, grains of salt available for those interested.
• Hey look, transfer rumors! Of course, nothing is official until the window opens in the summer, but here's some more from the Daily Mail on Marouane Chamakh's move to North London. I know they're a tabloid too, but there's a quote from Chamakh about the move.
• More from the Telegraph, this time on Arsenal's well-documented need to buy central defenders in the summer. Actually, I'm totally comfortable with Silvsetre. If this wasn't text, you'd realize that I can't say that with a straight face.
• Nicklas Bendtner and Manuel Almunia on how important it is to rebound from Tuesday's loss with a win at Spurs.
• That match at Spurs on Wednesday will be broadcast in 3D by Sky Sports. Arsenal has lost all one of their matches that have been broadcast in 3D. I don't like those odds.

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/9/2010

From: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/apr/06/arsenal-barcelona-arsene-wenger

Arsene Wenger is Very Disappointed in You 4/8/2010

From: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/teams/a/arsenal/8606638.stm

Gooners with Their Priorities Straight

Here's a brilliant video from a Barcelona television station of what Arsenal fans will do when they all realize they're on television live. And you know the reporter hasn't the slightest idea of what's going on.

Hope this cheers you up after yesterday's debacle.

Champions League: Barcelona 4 - 1 Arsenal, 6-3 aggregate: Storybook Endings

Make it stop! Pic via Guardian.

Lionel Messi 4: 21, 37, 42, 88

Arsenal 1: Bendtner 18

Barcelona wins 6-3 on aggregate.

A girl once told me that she absolutely hated Arsenal because she thought of them as the team that wins everything. The kind of team made up of all of those evil and mean people in Hollywood movies that you're supposed to root against. The team you're supposed to hate with ever fiber of your being while you cheer for the underdog, that should go on to win in the end when the little guy pulls through in the final seconds, because it's a scripted movie.

I told her she was thinking of Manchester United, but I digress.

Entering today's Champions League quarter-final second leg in Barcelona, Arsenal was the exact opposite of the team described above. If this was a movie made in Hollywood, Arsenal was that little underdog you were supposed to root for. Barcelona had all of the big names who were supposed to waltz through the tie as if it were a minor inconvenience. The underdog rallied to even things up before embarking to Spain for the decisive leg, but would have to play the final 90 minutes of the round without several of their best players, out with injuries. Their captain out with a broken leg. Their best striker out now five months. Their second best offensive talent out. One of their best defenders, done for the year. Their bright young talent, hacked viciously one night in Stoke. Another anchor of their midfield, out. The odds were stacked against Arsenal and in any film, the Gunners would have come out on top in the end, a feel-good story of overcoming the odds.

Who are you rooting for in this film?

Apparently, this is real life. And apparently, even when that situation is presented, as it was by that girl several months ago, but in reverse, people still root against Arsenal. Every time Lionel Messi scored, the reaction from journalists appeared to be "ZOMGGGGG, DID U C THAT! AMAZING!!!!1!!!! I <3 HIMMMMM!!!111!1!1"

I'm sorry, I lost some respect for Messi when he rolled around on the pitch like he was shot in the back after Denilson won the ball with a textbook challenge while winning the ball, which resulted in a free kick to Barca and a yellow card to Denilson. And Arsenal-haters, I know you'll be quick to mention what happened between Tomas Rosicky and Karl Henry on Saturday. But there's a difference between a slightly late challenge from behind that's high enough to leave four stud marks on Rosicky's leg and a perfect challenge that completely wins the ball. Henry's red card was harsh for sure, but the call on Denilson shouldn't have even been a foul, let alone a yellow card.

Arsenal shocked the world by striking first, when Theo Walcott found himself on a break two-on-none with Nicklas Bendtner onside. Walcott's pass was awful and Bendtner's shot was saved but slipped out of the goalkeeper's grasp and Bendtner fired home the rebound. 1-0 Arsenal, 3-2 on aggregate. It was looking great!

And then, two minutes later, Messi equalized, and the whole match went to hell. Suddenly, you could see how much Arsenal was missing Alex Song more than anyone else. Without a natural holding midfielder, Arsenal could not contain Messi, and in 21 minutes, he had a hat trick.

Barcelona took their foot off the accelerator in the second half, but not in the same way as they did at the Emirates. They weren't exactly pressing for goals, but they were no slouches on defense. Arsenal's best chances either found Bendtner unable to turn and shoot in the penalty area, or someone else firing the ball into the crowd from 20 yards out.

Arsenal had two chances to pull back into the tie and hit the post on both of them, which were both offside anyway. Then Messi scored again, between Almunia's legs when he was slightly out of position, having already made one save. Once Messi had scored to pull the match even, Arsenal had been deflated.

So, where are we now? Out of Europe and with five more games until next season starts. Three points out of first with five games to play, needing Chelsea and Manchester United to drop even more points, while desperately having to win all five ourselves.

Today hurt.

Arsenal v Barcelona: An Alternative Take

Several of us at Hipster Gooner "watched" today's match through the medium of emails from John, the only one of the three NY-based Gooners to actually catch the match on a real live screen. Though I can promise you some solid recapping did occur, I'd like to share with you the highlights, for me, of the 78-email-strong chain. I think it really shows how all of us felt about the match. Presenting: Maxwell Foxman, Arsenal fan of few words.

2:45pm EST: Awesome!
2:51pm: Woot!
3:05pm: Amazing!
3:10pm: Damn Barca
3:15pm: Ha!
3:19pm: Bastard!
3:32pm: Mccark
3:37pm: Ridiculous
3:54pm: Blerg

If anyone wants to write a poem (haiku?) about today's match using these words, I would be thrilled to read it.

Oh. They're Back.

Ummmmmmmmmm... Pic via Daily Mail.

Thanks to Nottingham Forest's 0-0 draw with promotion playoff rival Cardiff City, Newcastle United have clinched at least a top two finish in the Football League Championship, and with that, automatic promotion to the Premier League for the 2010-11 campaign.

Last year, Arsenal beat Newcastle in both meetings, winning 3-0 at the Emirates and 3-1 at what is currently titled something along the lines of stupidsportswebsitenamething.com @ St. James' Park Stadium.

It'll be nice to have another team that actually has a New York City supporters club in the top flight, even if they do have an annoyingly loud drum that they bring with them that you can hear from upstairs even when they're downstairs. And an unnecessarily gigantic flag. The Toon Army is back...

Preview: Barcelona v. Arsenal, Champions League Quarter-Finals, Second Leg

Brace scorer Zlatan Ibrahimovich will miss Tuesday's match because he has been ruled "to tall" compared to everyone else. Pic via Guardian.

Camp Nou, Barcelona

Tuesday, April 6

19.45 BST, 2:45 p.m. EDT

First leg drawn 2-2

• Referee: Wolfgang Stark (Germany)
• History: 0 Arsenal wins, 2 Barcelona wins, 2 draws
• Arsenal's League Form: W-W-W-W-D-W
• Barcelona's League Form: D-W-W-W-W-W

Predicted Line-Up

guesses italicized

Almunia

Sagna - Campbell - Vermaelen - Clichy

Rosicky - Nasri - Denilson - Diaby
            Walcott

Bendtner

Subs from: Fabianski, Silvestre, Traore, Eastmond, Eboue, Merida, Eduardo

Out: Song (groin), Fabregas (leg), Arshavin (calf), Gallas (calf), Ramsey (leg), Gibbs (foot), Van Persie (ankle), Djourou (knee)
Playing on yellow cards: Clichy, Diaby

Arsenal News and Notes

• In addition to Arsenal's already long list of injuries, Alex Song will not make the trip to Camp Nou either, having injured his calf in the first half of Saturday's 1-0 win over Wolves.
• This likely means Sol Campbell will have to start for the second time in four days, which might be questionable for the veteran's fitness level until you consider that the back line really didn't have to do much against Wolves.
• With all of the injuries, will Arsene Wenger still be able to stun Barcelona with a pace substitute like Theo Walcott after the hour mark? Will it matter if Barca defender Eric Abidal is, in fact, fit again? It was Maxwell eaten alive by Walcott's pace.
• Arsenal are unbeaten in their last nine matches in all competitions, dating back to their 2-1 loss at Porto.

Barcelona News and Notes

• Normal center backs Gerard Pique and Carles Puyol are out suspended.
• Striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who had Barcelona's brace at the Emirates, is out with a calf injury.
• Midfielder Andres Iniesta has returned to training after a hamstring injury, but is still a major doubt for tomorrow's second leg.
• Possible replacement defender Dmytro Chigrynskiy is not eligible to play; he has already appeared in this year's Champions League with his former club, Ukraine's Shakhtar Donetsk.
• Arsenal need an outright win or a scoring draw of 3-3 or higher to advance. Barcelona has lost three games all year, across all competitions.

Match Facts

• Arsenal has never beaten Barcelona in four tries, losing twice and drawing twice.
• Arsenal's only match at Camp Nou was a 1-1 draw in the group stages of the Champions League in 1999-2000. Kanu had the Gunners' 81st minute equalizer.
• The last time Arsenal drew the first leg of a Champions League tie at home was in the 2008 quarterfinals against Liverpool, when they proceeded to lose the second leg at Anfield. In the round of 16 that year, Arsenal drew the first leg at home against AC Milan, then won 2-0 at the San Siro.
• The referee is Germany's Wolfgang Stark, who has a bit of a colorful reputation. Those colors are yellow and red, of course. He was last seen by the English at Stamford Bridge last month, showing a red card late to Didier Drogba. He was last seen by Barcelona during a semifinal 0-0 draw with Chelsea last year, when the Catalan's were irate that he did not send off Michael Ballack. He was last seen by Arsenal in their 3-0 quarterfinal win against Villareal last year.

Other Ties

• Tuesday: CSKA Moscow (0) v. (1) Internazionale; Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow
• Wednesday: Manchester United (1) v. (2) Bayern Munich; Old Trafford, Manchester
• Wednesday: Bordeaux (1) v. (3) Lyon; Stade Chaban-Delmas, Bordeaux