This Weekend in Not Arsenal

Since Arsenal decided they didn't feel like being in the FA Cup this year, we find ourselves without an Arsenal match to watch this weekend. Here's what's going on in the meantime:

• Premier League fixtures scheduled between teams no longer in the FA Cup are played as scheduled:
• Saturday: Hull City v. Burnley in a huge relegation six-pointer. A Hull win mathematically relegates Portsmouth.
• Saturday: West Ham v. Sunderland; a Hammers win would also mathematically relegate Portsmouth.
• Sunday: Wolves v. Stoke; Wolves are five points above the drop zone.
• Sunday: Blackburn v. Man United, without Wayne Rooney, two points out of first.
• Sunday: Liverpool v. Fulham; the Reds are four points out of fourth with the teams ahead of them having a game in hand. Both teams are the only English sides still alive in Europe, albeit in the Europa League.
• Sunday: Man City v. Birmingham; City can extend their hold on fourth.
• The FA Cup is also happening at Wembley. With two teams I hate still involved, it'd be nice if Wembley again hosted the Horse of the Year show beforehand to ruin the pitch:
• Saturday: Aston Villa v. Chelsea; please don't let Chelsea win the Double.
• Sunday: Portsmouth v. Tottenham; please go deep into extra time and then agonizing round after round of penalties, as to destroy Spurs mentally and physically before Wednesday. Thanks!
• Also, wouldn't it be strange if Portsmouth qualifies for the FA Cup Final the day after being assured relegation?
• Along with Arsenal: Everton, Bolton, and Wigan are also off this weekend.

Because it's going to be strange to not be drinking at 10 a.m. on Saturday, here's a list of other ways you could occupy your time in lieu of singing about Arsenal at the pub tomorrow morning:

• You could sing about Arsenal at the pub anyway! Or just root against the teams you hate. Just do it at Lunasa instead of Nevada Smiths if you're in New York. The Hammers will dominate the 10 a.m. match, followed by the annoying stream of Chelsea fans at noon, unless they decide to go to Nevadas anyway, like they did last week. Bastards.
• The weather in New York will be in the low 60's and breezy tomorrow. This means you should do everything possible to buy some sort of Arsenal kite and go fly it in any of the following locations:
• Up and down the street outside of Nevada Smiths while chanting pro-Kieran chants (again, you're going to want to click that link above.)
• Coney Island, the site of many of Max's failed (and one successful!) kite attempts this past summer.
• Tompkins Square Park, due to its close proximity to the pub at which you should have been singing all morning.
• London. Just because. But that just goes against the whole weather in New York thing I said before. Don't listen to me, I'm a blathering idiot.
• Knit your own Arsenal scarf! Just don't ask me how to do it, because I have no fucking idea. You need those needles, or something.
• Sleep all weekend. Because seriously, if Arsenal isn't playing, why even be awake?
• Play a game of pick-up football in a park. If you're unsure of what position to play, perhaps you should try central defense. Then call Arsene Wenger and tell him you'll be ready to slip right into Arsenal's line-up.
• Watch another sport. HAHAHAHAHA, just kidding.
• Wear bunny ears. Yeah, it's not like Max has ever done that after a 1-0 win against Wolves last weekend or anything.
• Come see our band at an open mic on Sunday night. Yeah, that was really self-serving, I'm sorry. But, you might get to see those bunny ears... and an AWIVDIY shirt.