Five Stages of Pub Grief

For us Gooners, yesterday's 2-1 loss is a very difficult pill to swallow and we all know it. Like any type of loss in one's life, psychology dictates that one will go through five distinct stages of grief, the severity of which depends upon the severity of the situation. In terms of sporting events, here are the five stages of pub grief:

1. DENIAL
"This can't be happening. A guy in his first Premier League game, scoring that goal? No way did that just happen..."

As things start to go wrong, as they did early with Danny Rose's stunning opener, one gets a momentary feeling of denial; the sudden shock is met instantaneously with a feeling of disbelief. The first stage of grief is normally only a temporary defense for the individual, and it leads quickly to...

2. ANGER
"That goal wouldn't have happened if Almunia just caught the ball in the first place!"
"Who the hell are you passing that to?"
"Why are you playing ten yards outside of the box, Bendtner?"
"GASDLFASOAJSDOFASF!"

Much of the match following Rose's tenth minute goal carried on in the second stage of grief, anger. Trailing so early in a rivalry game such as this heightens one's expectations and necessity for a quick reply. When those expectations are increasingly not met, as Arsenal struggled to create opportunities in the final third of the pitch, patience wears thin.

3. BARGAINING
"Okay, if we come back and win this game, I promise to buy another Arsenal shirt."

Our own Maxwell Foxman is quickly becoming famous for reaching this level during close matches. In the third stage, one starts to concoct deals with some sort of higher power, in this case, probably Nike, the Greek goddess of victory, or her Roman counterpart, Victoria.

This usually doesn't happen until after the 80th minute or so if trailing, and the 85th if tied. Cesc Fabregas's winning penalty in injury time at Stoke City in February forced Max to buy this shirt.

4. DEPRESSION
"Well, that's it. We can't win the title now. It's all over. This is awful."

The fourth stage of grief usually hits once the match has reached full-time, as all previous stages of grief are no longer applicable. There's nothing to bargain for anymore, the match is over, the result is final. Sometimes, one exaggerates their reactions to the situation in this stage, for example, by writing a post like this. The length during which this stage will last depends on numerous factors: the importance of the match, the length of time between now and the next match, and the severity of the loss.

5. ACCEPTANCE

I'll have to get back to you on this one. I'm still in stage four.