A sad day for English gooners

Across the pond from Hipster Gooner Central, the epic fail of politics known as the UK general election has finally stumbled to a dull and disappointing finish. (Somewhat like Arsenal's last few matches before Sunday -- hey-o!) Though there is at least one vaguely bright spot in all of this -- Islington North returned their Labour MP to office, ensuring that the red and white will continue to be governed by the red -- in general, the mood has grown dark. Besides the serious policy stuff that is raising eyebrows and ire at Hipster Gooner HQ, including a proposed non-EU immigration cap that could prevent American Hipster Gooners from moving over to the land where football reigns supreme as well as perhaps affect some of our favorite non-European players (like Carlos Vela, our Mexican superstar), this quote, which ran on a blog housed by Tory mouthpiece the Daily Telegraph, has us feeling even more disgusted with the new government:

There are some positives worth highlighting already, apart from the sunshine. My favourite is the installation of a prime minister who has no particular interest in football. New Labour did many things to our politics but one of the worst was to elevate football and its most tiresome aspects into a quasi religion. Was anything more depressing than Alastair Campbell enrolling Sir Alex Ferguson as an occasional adviser and cheerleader? David Cameron says he is an Aston Villa fan, but has never displayed that teenager's obsession for the game that fed the tabloidisation of Labour.

Somehow, in one quote about our favorite sport, this writer has managed to encapsulate everything that is wrong with the entrenched class system in general, and Tories in particular. Football is our religion, and it's one that we're incredibly proud to share with people from all different countries and walks of life. So, with all due respect, Telegraph writer, consider this two fingers stuck up at you.

The Gooner's Abridged Guide to the UK General Election

As at least two of your Hipster Gooners have been spending the past 12-plus hours glued to various televisions, computer screens, and hand-held devices due to the UK general election, we thought we'd bring you some disconnected thoughts on football and politics. The more you know! Unfortunately, though we looked everywhere for some Arsenal-related election news, the dearth of party leaders from North London meant that the best we can do is point you back to John's exhortation to "vote Eboue." Oh, and Labour do have some very snazzy red rosettes that we think could be a brilliant edition to any Gooner's match day wardrobe. Anyway, we think you'll want to be forewarned about some relevant findings.

WHO DO THE LEADERS SUPPORT?

(*cue evil laughter here*)
Remember all those times you thought Villa weren't so bad, that they were sorta endearing for a team that wasn't Arsenal? Take it back. David Cameron, Conservative "fish in a condom," supports Aston Villa. He's even got an uncle who was a former Villa chairman. Oh, and in '07 Frank Lampard admitted to being a Tory and "really liking" David Cameron. Add that to the list of reasons to hate Chelsea.

Maybe we can buy Gordon Brown this summer.
Gordon Brown (Labour) supports his local team, Raith Rovers, who are Division 2 in Scotland. Not much to say there.

Not very sporty, are you Nick?
Nick Clegg (Lib Dem) has never publicly admitted to supporting a team. He has pointed out that it's "fashionable" for politicians to admit to supporting a football team, and the closest he's gotten has been to say that in his dream political football team, Gordon Brown would be in the reserves and David Cameron wouldn't be on the team. However, his "battle bus" was previously owned by Chelsea FC. We love you Nick, but those are some bad vibes...and do you have any idea what might have happened on those suede leather seats?

In news that actually could be considered relevant to the Premiership, both Labour and the Tories have stated that they are interested in making it easier for football supporters to be more involved in owning their clubs, so there's that.

On a final note, Islington North, the constituency which contains Arsenal, has not yet declared their results; we'll be sure to give you a heads up once we hear. However, it's gone Labour since '66, so we're not very concerned that the red and white will go anything besides red.